Tue 20 Apr 2010
“Why is Mama on da swings?! Mama! Get off dere! Swings are for KIDS!”
When I was an ‘appropriate’ age for the swings, I always imagined that my life would be spent largely in other places. I wanted to have coffee in Paris. Walk alone in the rain in the green fields of Ireland. Work in Africa. Nap in the afternoon in Greece. Buy groceries in Frankfurt. I wanted to go places, not on vacation, but to live and work. But time passed and my life has not much resembled the life I intended to have.
Time is a funny thing.
Occasionally, Time means everything, other times, it means nothing at all. It ever moves forward – be it steadily, lurching or crawling - but sometimes, there are moments when you leap backward through Time and are transported to another time in your life, as if jumping from one lily pad to another in a pond. When I lean back on a swing, pumping my legs so that I swing higher and higher trying to touch the blue sky with my toes, I easily leap from lily pad to lily pad. And while the blog has stood frozen in time for twenty months, my bountiful life has carried on.
In my time away, we have all continued to learn and grow, my children have grown and become more wonderful and inspiring with every day and I have been sick again, had surgery again and have been doing my best impersonation of a Phoenix, again. Though much of my recent journey was very difficult and I was often frightened, in pain and frustrated, I was emotionally well-sustained by the lessons I’d learnt from the creation of My Bountiful Life.
I began this blog years ago when I was so sick that I confided to my doctor that I was afraid I was dying and she told me that she couldn’t tell me that I wasn’t. My health was not improving, but something had to change. I began first by working to increase my own awareness of all the Good Things in my life – the big and the small. I looked for, and found, joy in the most mundane things. And then I began to record them here. This time, I knew that I was not dying, but the months of misery took their toll. I remembered though, that I had already discovered that it is the smallest things that hold the greatest joy, and the practice I’d already had of seeing and grabbing onto that has carried me through.
I left the blog because it was a time of severely pared-down priorities, but I never intended to leave it forever. It gives me too much. A few months ago, I began the process of switching to a new (wind powered!) server, and finding someone to clean up the software issues, kill the spam and deal with the fact that my site had been hacked. So, while nothing has changed here in almost two years, everything has changed. It’s all shiny and new.
It is time. Time to shake off the ashes. Time to pick up the scattered pages and write the next chapter.
Today, we bought four one-way tickets to India.